Other Half of Me

Tonight is the first of three nights that James is away in New Zealand for a staff conference. And boy, am I feeling lonely.

So I started to think about what I have planned for the next few days to pass the time. For tonight, I rented a movie. Tomorrow, I'll take my time at the gym in the morning and then I'm meeting a friend for lunch. In the evening I have band practise. On Friday I'm making a trial meal at Meal Magic. I might also treat myself and try out one of those massages in those Asian-run stores you can find in most shopping centres. In the evening I have a social to attend. I have no idea at this point what to do with my Saturday, but worst case scenario I can always play with fizzykal, my Neopet or update my MySpace page. In the evening I'm going to a "girls' night in" fundraiser event for breat cancer research.

As I thought about these next few days, I started to wonder, why am I spending most of this time alone? Do I have no friends? Has becoming married caused me to fail in the area of building extra-marital friendships? I typically spend my Fridays and Saturdays with James. Now that he's not here I have no one to spend it with. Well, I did try to schedule time with another friend on Friday afternoon but she had to cancel for completely understandable reasons.

Then revelation hit me. The kind of loneliness I am feeling tonight goes far beyond what I felt in my high school days. Back then, if my best friend went away on holiday for a week or more, I would miss having my favourite activity partner to hang out with.

But James is not just my best friend, he's so much more. He's my other half. When he's not around I feel like a part of me is missing. This statement may sound rather cliche but I must concede that it completely describes how I feel tonight, despite my personal dislike of all things cliche.

If you are not yet married and you've been angry at a friend because you felt he/she abandoned you because once he/she got married you two weren't as close anymore, there's something you need to understand. If your best friend were asked by his/her company to relocate to another country, you probably wouldn't quit your job and rearrange your life to move with him/her. You don't share all your money in a single bank account. You don't need to consider his/her schedule when planning other things. You might be the best of friends, but you don't share a life. Once you get married, you and your spouse will no longer lead separate lives. You will lead only one life, together.

I've had my share of very close girl and guy friends. But not one single one of them comes close to my friendship with James. No one else knows me like he does, no one else understands me like he does. No one else knows the REAL me, because no one spends even half as much time with me. And if I were asked to consider moving to another continent, I wouldn't just up and go and leave James behind. No! We would discuss our options and make a decision TOGETHER and carry it out TOGETHER.

So tonight, half of me is missing, and that half is somewhere across the ocean in a far away land. When I was single I never thought I would say this because I never knew about it's truth. No amount of activity or Neopets or MySpace will fill this empty space, it will only temporarily distract from the feeling of emptiness which will inevitably return when it's time to go to bed alone.

If you are not yet married, I hope one day you will experience what I am experiencing. Not because I want you to feel hopelessly lonely, but because the only reason you could possibly feel this lonely is because you have as wonderful a relationship with your spouse as I do!

James, I can't wait for you to come home!